That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

For the last six years, whenever my friend has gone away I've looked in on her cats. It means popping in twice a day to put food down, refresh their water bowls and empty the litter trays.

It started off as a group effort with multiple friends sharing the task but everyone else has dropped off for various reasons so now its just me.

I don't mind too much.

My morning visits tend to happen anywhere between 6am and 9am depending on what else is going on in my life.
Yesterday, I went in at 6:15am. Today I went in at 8:50am.

When I text my friend an update today she was very grateful but asked whether I could please try and visit the cats at the same time each day. She was very polite about it.

To me it doesn't seem like it matters - when I go in earlier, the cats don't move off the bed so I assume they just amble down to get their food when they're ready.

I'm not sure how to handle this. In some ways I'm pretty pissed off about it and want to tell her to shove the cat visiting up her arse. But, in another way, she's very polite about it and I don't want to risk losing a friend.

Sorry - this is a bit garbled.

Hi,
As promised, here is the new thread.

All are welcome to chat about all things Toast, and any related topics!

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

Can a wife that totally loves her hubby get tempted to talk to a male online in another country you think ? Even tho she and her hubby have been together since they met at fifteen years old and she knows the chat could maybe head in a sexual chat kind of direction? Is it like having time out from being a mum or a wife maybe ? I am the hubby of the wife that I am talking about by the way
I just wanted some advice that’s all .. and I can’t ask anyone that knows me

Hi all, I'm after some advice about some of my daughter's behaviours. She's a wonderful, happy child aged 4, starting school in September.

I should add that I'm going through an autism and ADHD assessment and her Dad is diagnosed as having ADHD.

I guess the advice I'm looking for is from parents who might have seen similar signs in their children and what process you followed.

Some of the things I've noticed are:

• an obsession with novelty headbands (currently Bluey ears) to the point where she will get out of bed to put them on and fall asleep wearing them.
• I would class it as stimming, clicking her tongue, snapping her fingers.
• She's not able to keep still, every meal time involves her getting up to dance or jump around.
• Her nursery providers have told me she struggles to calm down at the end of the day when others are having calm time.
• When I give an instruction like 'can you tidy up' it involves a meltdown and she asks for me to tell her what to do first and she needs steps to follow.

I know that when you start researching symptoms of autism and and ADHD, you see it everywhere, so I'm reaching out to get an outside opinion.

Currently I am teaching my DS in year 4 by solidifying core concepts and buying online test papers however I was wondering is anyone using Ai models like Anthropic, Claude, Gemini to assist their child by creating test papers and and learning aids to improve understanding.

Or any ideas how else they are using the models for older siblings to assist with their school work?

Went to the dentist today. She is approx 45-50, I’ve been seeing her a few years. When I went in told me she was having a hot flush and I sympathised with her, I’m always happy to talk about women troubles.

Then she told me about her skin care etc, went down a bit of a rabbit hole about her routine etc. Then she said her saw a client last week, who she’d treated for years who told her she didn’t like “taking stuff” which she meant collagen, B12 injections etc. She told me it showed because she had really aged.

AIBU to think shes a bit of a twat? I felt it was extremely unprofessional to comment on another clients aging. She’s a dentist! I don’t consider us friends and obviously said very little with her fingers in my mouth.

For the record - I would like to change dentist, but they all have waiting lists.

Are there any longer names (5+ letters) that are not commonly shortened? I really dislike the concept of shortenings (mainly as I find them to be pointless), but it feels like my only options are short names like Ava, Mia, Adam, Cleo, Ivy, Noah, Lucy, Eric (just examples) if I want to avoid the inevitable. I just have a love of those long elegant names that are often shortened to something boring.

Organising DC’s birthday party (at home). I’ve planned it all - researched games, made shopping lists, planned the food, ordered supplies, made task list. It’s not a massively complicated one but original plan of playing outdoor games isn’t going to work as rain is forecast. DC is obsessed with a TV character so I’m trying to theme it round that (without going overboard or spending a fortune). I have been mega busy at work (hence only organising it the week of the party). DH said ‘I’ll help, we’ll do it together, it’s not all on you’. Great. Gave him one sodding job to do - literally ordering one thing that I can’t buy in the shops - he agreed. Checked tonight and he hadn’t done it.

He says there’s no problem because it’s now done. I said I may as well have done it myself if I’ve had to remind him, and I’d only asked to do one little thing and he didn’t even do that. He says he appreciates that I’ve done all the rest but he would have done if I hadn’t. He reckons he could have organised the party on the day. He seems to think that because the willingness to do it is (apparently) there, it absolves him of any need to apologise because it was my decision to do it in advance. We have had this argument so many times and I’m so fed up of it!!

AIBU to think that him saying he’d have done it if I hadn’t is a crappy excuse for not actually taking on some of the mental (and actual) load? Am I supposed to just wait and see if it all goes to pot, to give him a chance to do it?! It’s not like I was doing it all weeks in advance - it’s literally three days! (Hence the stress)

My partner of 16 years totally and entirely blindsided me with 'I don't love you anymore and I'm not happy' October last year.

I could tell for a couple of months he was a bit unsettled but every time it came up it was more his dissatisfaction about his weight, feeling a bit lost in life (we are mid-late 30s, no kids). Also missing having friends close as all his long term best friends live in different countries across Europe.

in terms of our relationship it was as good as always, jokes, closeness, quality time as well as independent time like we have found have good balance in the last 5+ years. Our sex life definitely struggled in the last 3 years because busy with work, different schedules and a bit of a mismatch that I need some emotional closeness and intimacy lead up to get in the mood but we were still at it a couple of times a month.

now the biggest thing - we bought our first home together early 2025. It had been something we were both saving for, we were excited, we had many conversations about that choice and it was always a 100% yes from his side. Until summer 2025 he was still the same towards me; when he's half asleep or a bit drunk he'd always tell me how much he loves and me and saying he doesn't know what he would do without me and hopes I never leave him.

We celebrated our anniversary a couple of weeks before the bombshell. After our anniversary I had noticed he had stopped telling me he loves me e.g. when I was off on a trip or before bed or randomly as we do. I asked him about it one day feeling very emotional and then he told me he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, sees me more as a companion and he 'doesn't want this anymore'.

That is really tough to hear out of the blue in the sense that nothing had changed in terms of our lives, behaviours, actions, nothing.

The problem is he can't tell me what changed, he cannot articulate what 'this' is that he doesn't want anymore. He cannot articulate what would make him happy, he did confirm he's also unhappy with his appearance and so on.

We spent many hours talking, he did say he didn't want to just end it and we do deserve to try and rekindle the love we had for so long. He also did a lot of self reflection, considers he has been people pleasing and saying yes for so long he's just kind of snapped and if he's not happy with himself, how can he be happy in a relationship.

It is 8 months later, what I observe are days in him where he acts mostly like his old self and I see absent mindedly he still reaches for me or reacts/talks//jokes like we always used to. Then there's the days he's shut off, distant and barely looks at me. Twice we've spoken about the situation we face, he tells me he's trying but it is really hard.

We spent a good 100k buying and settling into our home. It was kind of a forever home choice. Everything we've built up so far and the decisions made for our life has been for US. Joint decisions, never one person forcing their way.

To sell and move it would cost a fortune, I am mad about the fact that he committed to us and this house purchase and six months later does this to me. I also fully believe that he's maybe imagining something that's not realistic for whatever it is that he wants.

I love him deeply and I cannot imagine a life without him, especially because we've had it so good all this time. After 8 months though I am growing more resentful that he's wasted our money (we earn almost equally, me a bit more), crushing also my dreams for the future and he's not done much (anything?) to address the things he said he wants to work out for himself.

He can be quite stubborn in the sense that if he decides on something, it is quite set in stone and half the time it feels to me that because he's decided he doesn't want this anymore he will not even entertain the idea of focusing on the good and what a long term committed relationship feels like, and that love is an action, not just an emotion.

We do make effort to connect, we go on 'date nights', we are still intimate (both initiate), live our life together.

But fuck, where do we go from here? What do I do? Am I delusional for hoping we will reconcile? Is this a pre-mid life crisis for a man? is it normal in a 16 year relationship to just dust your hands and call it a day without upholding the commitment you have made to the relationship, the other person and the life you have built, and to try and overcome the difficult period?

I am so sad, so lost and I have nobody in my life to talk to about this because our friendship groups are so intertwined and all my individual friends know the partner after such a long time too. He has a friend in the US I have never met that he's apparently confided in about our situation.

Is wearing jeans (paired with wedges / espadrilles), nice bag and white blouse / shirt / top acceptable?

Talent person / recruiter sent me an email with this bullet point: “Our office dress code is business casual. Please wear what feels most comfortable and confident”

I’m going to Paris in person and besides the obvious nerves about interviewing for a new job in general, I’m very conscious that I’m going to be in Paris with a lot of French people (my boss, thankfully, is not French) so feeling like I need to be on-point in what I wear for the couple of hours I’m there meeting my manager, the team I’ll manage and a couple of other very senior people.

Please keep in mind (a) it’s summer, (b) it’s projected to be 24 degrees and humid and (c) start-up.

My question is focused on dark (not black / grey) JEANS to this interview, obviously jazzed up with some height (I'm 5ft 2 inches), jewellery and a nice white blouse / top.

Thank you!!

... how would you respond to an application requesting exceptional circumstances on mental health grounds (supported by gp letter) when a child is unhappy at their current school and all their friends are at the application school? Do you get many applications like this?

I decided to go back to uni as a mature student last year. I won’t go into detail in case of recognition but it’s something where at the end of it I hoped I might meet like minded people to set up a company with if I was lucky.

I met lots of people I get on with casually, but two in particular I hit it off with, Robin and Kay. We became close friends. A few months ago we had a group assessment and Robin asked me to work with her, Kay and 3 other women were friends with. We were all aligned on our pitch and got a high mark, and said we should make the idea a reality after graduation.

Now it turns out Kay and Robin have launched their own company doing exactly what I hoped and I’m gutted. Other people on the course sent lots of good luck etc messages to the group chat we’re on when they announced it and I noticed that none of the other women from the original assessment said anything either. So I’m assuming they also feel left out.

AIBU to question whether I want to remain close after this? Am I being pathetic? Maybe I’m being petty but it’s showed me we’re not that close and would’ve loved to be part of it. Unless I’m prepared to support them while being upset and leaving my pride out of it…

I feel like I’m failing ds, and he’s only in reception so I know things will get worse but I can’t see how to fit it in.

Mornings are so busy and frantic. It’s the best time but we often don’t have time. Plus his sister (2) often comes in and disturbs us.

When he gets home from school he isn’t in the mood (understandable) but before bed feels like setting us up to fail as he’s so tired.

It’s just listening to him read, and learning tricky words. That’s it, and I’m struggling!

(Please don’t tell me just to read to him: I do, quite extensively but I’m not sure it makes a lot of difference in terms of his own reading!)

Has anybody tried Loop earplugs? Are they worth buying? I'm getting targeted ads and I'm very tempted due to interruped sleep at the moment, but curious that they could be a gimmick?

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

What's the best pet name you've come across?

I'm partial to pets with very beige, mid-century human names like Colin, Dave, Alan, Brenda, Sandra, Deidre.

A lady I worked with once rescued a really vicious parrot and renamed him Thomas-a-Peckitt.

I've just got back from a dog walk where we met a giant, perfectly rounded, sandy coloured staffy called King Edward to reflect the fact he's basically a potato.

I can't stop smiling. I had to share it with someone.

I have a sleeveless tunic ( live unlimited) that i am considering wearing to an informal garden style party. It's black with a thick white band at the bottom, and ends just below my bum.
My problem is what to wear with it, cropped leggings look wrong with it amd now im at a loss.

I wonder if you lovely people can give me a few suggestions? Unfortunately apart from Next, a rubbish M&S and a New Look, we have no clothes shops here, so I'd be relying on Internet order ( which i hate) if its any help im a size 18, with a tummy and a bum i hate ( i think it's huge,everyone else says not)

Any help would be most appreciated as I only have 4 weeks to find something to go with it.

I need some help to navigate this situation. My FIL died a year ago and ever since my MIL moved in with us on the basis that she is scared to spend time alone, she has never been alone. We were happy to support her for a couple of months but that soon turned into a year. While here, we supported her, included her in every event, outing, everything. But nothing seemed to be enough, she'll find a way to create a drama over nothing: I didn't pay enough attention to her, my SIL didn't ask about her health every day while she had a cold. Every drama meant hours of crying. I know this could be the way she copes with grief. But she refuses any suggestions of any doctors, medication and proceeds to ruin every event to get the attention. My husband has always been her emotional support, even as a child during a toxic, abusive marriage with my now deceased FIL. Now, she leans on him for even more emotional support to a point where things got a bit weird. She'd call him 'daddy' by accident as she used to call her husband :). If we go out together she'll link arms with him, hold his hand :) :) and I am behind with my child. :)

My husband takes her side, she is vulnerable, she's grieving, she's old, I need to understand. I don't moan about her (not to him anyway) she moans about me to him.

My DH and I have a loving, great relationship. We've been together forever, he's a fantastic man, dad and because of that she can't say "no" to his mum. I know he wants to support her, totally understandable.

She now left for a while but she told me before leaving that she'd like to start a process to move permanently with us. (she leaves in another country). I know she has had some conversations with my husband behind my back. He hasn't said anything but glimpses of things he did say make me think this is not a new idea.
How the hell do I tell my husband without having a massive argument that this is not possible. I am happy for her to visit for a month or two every few months but moving in permanently is way too much. I need space to breath, I need my privacy with my husband, my child, my life. Any kind ideas how to not create a massive argument but nip this in the bud now?

Please be kind, it hasn't been easy

So why do reality tv producers seem to think it is?

this is nothing new, the likes of X Factor were using it as a good old sob story years ago, but I’m currently trying to watch Below Deck Australia, and every second staff member has shared their story of loss at least once an episode.

Married at first sight is just as bad.

it’s bloody boring, and literally nothing to do with the ‘storyline’

AIBU, or has anyone else noticed a real influx in the constant mentions of loss for entertainment purposes?

Edit to add - Both my parents had died by the time I turned 32.

I’m looking for honest views because I’m not sure whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this was genuinely unfair.

I was recently dismissed from a graduate/analyst role after my probation was extended. I am autistic, and my employer knew this. I had raised the need for clear written instructions, defined objectives, examples of similar work, timelines, and timely/direct feedback. Some support was put in place, including coaching, but I don’t feel the actual adjustments were properly embedded or reviewed before the decision was made.

The difficult part is that the concerns raised about me seemed mainly to focus on communication style, professional behaviour, asking for clarification, Teams messages, and quality assurance under pressure — rather than on whether I could actually do the analytical work. Some recent written feedback said my analytical skills were good, that my work did not contain relevant errors, that I was taking ownership, and that I sought support appropriately. Another person said I had picked up on a complex project well.

The project I was criticised on was not straightforward. I was a first-year graduate with no prior experience in that sector, and I was assigned open-ended/data-heavy modelling work with a lot of ambiguity and short deadlines. Some outputs were expected within hours or by the next day, so there was not much time for structured review. I also didn’t always get timely feedback while I could still act on it. Some feedback came months after the work had ended.
My probation extension was meant to allow support and coaching to take effect, but I was dismissed before the extension period had fully ended. I had submitted evidence of improvement the day before the decision, but I don’t feel it was properly discussed or considered.
The coaching report apparently said the benefit of coaching should be assessed after a longer period, because performance can dip while new strategies embed.

I’m appealing because I think they didn’t properly separate disability-related communication issues from actual capability, didn’t give recent improvement enough weight, and didn’t consider alternatives such as letting the extension run, providing clearer QA/communication frameworks, assigning more standard analyst work, or redeploying me to a more suitable team.

I’m not saying I was perfect. I know there were areas to improve. But I feel like I was assessed against unclear expectations, on complex work, without the timely feedback and structure that had already been identified as necessary for me.

AIBU to think this was unfair and potentially linked to disability discrimination/failure to make reasonable adjustments? Or is this just how probation works, and I should accept it and move on?

I had heels like hooves. It didnt matter what I did or used. Now for the first time in my life, I have finally got pink, smooth and soft heels!

I know it's a common question on here.

It's taken 3 weeks so it's not a quick fix. I used Dr Scholl perfect pedi a few times a week. The first few times were pretty hardcore but now it's just a quick go around so takes a couple of minutes.

Most mornings I put body moisturiser on them. Then every night I'd use Flexitol. The one that says it works in 3 days sinks in better than the 1 day. I'm now alternating the flexitol with the multitude of other foot lotions I have.

It's this pedi perfect (worth shopping around).
https://www.boots.com/dr-scholl-pedicure-perfect-electronic-foot-file-10377876?msclkid=4a4d24bd818f1063f7bd4ea36be558af&gclsrc=3p.ds&gad_source=7&gad_campaignid=22208564323

HTH someone

Has anyone found anything that helps with crepey chest/neck skin please? I moisturise daily but nothing seems to help that particular area!

I know it matters to him. He will say something (about how the girls tell him
height is the most important thing for them!) and then clam up but he internalises it, I know- he keeps expecting another growth spurt but who can say that will happen.

i know all the right things to say and I say them. I reflect on how it doesn’t matter, that it’s important build a life on better, less shallow values than how we look. Equally (yes I know therein lies contradictions) I tell him how gorgeous (he is, genuinely) looking, smart, funny and a good person he is. And kids are cruel and school is brutal yada yada

But inside I do think the world is brutal, harsh re what women go for (even the dating apps have height filters) and as much as I try to reject the nonsense, my heart hurts that he will be judged and rejected in love etc - even though I fully realise there are many reasons we get judged, height is just one of them!

He is 15.5yrs, 5ft 6. He shot up about 6 inches in a year - was always on the v short side now less so. Late developer? No facial or underarm hair. Dad is 5ft 8, im 5ft 3. His feet aren’t big